I want to forgive this country. I want to forgive Even though there is no such request from the country, nor do I have that kind of place. For me to heal, for us to heal.
To be able to forgive…To forgive means to face the culprit, then the culprit pleading guilty and ultimately getting justice.
To be able to confront… To be able to confront means not ignoring the harassment and rape of tens of thousands of girls and boys- the actual figures will never be known because they are ignored willingly- by their fathers, neighbours, and teachers in this country. Not ignoring the tens of thousands of children who have been suffering in pain for a lifetime and conveying their trauma to next generations… To not look for a land to bury, or a place to hide the child who is the victim in them, as if they were harbouring a catastrophe when they- these abused children or adults- resist being ignored: when they tell their mothers, their instructors, the prosecutors about it… Thousands of children’s souls are buried under the face of this country. What their surrogates on earth live as life is an attempt to find their souls.
To be able to confront…It requires being able to face the divine in a child’s sexual abuse, especially domestic sexual abuse. To face the sanctity of mother, father, family, religion, and state… Unfortunately, everything in this country is more sacred than the child.
A lot of people said to me: “Is he really your own father? Get a DNA test!” Before I accepted it, I thought about getting a DNA test as well. ‘The father’ was sacred to me. I never thought a father could be so cruel. It was easier that I be the bad one if there was someone in the wrong. If a father was so cruel and unreliable, was it possible for other people to be good and trustworthy? My questioning of the divine would start the endless chain of questions. That’s why people asked for a DNA test. What difference would it make if he wasn’t not my own father? I’ve known him all my life as my own father. It wouldn’t change my agony, but the ‘sacred father’ would have been preserved. We can’t face this problem with that hypocrisy.
Some protected my mother and comforted her. “If only she had the means, if she was strong, none of this would have happened.” Sexual abuse is happening in all segments of this society; in families where women are strong, too. I really don’t know if it’s about the social position of the woman. But I do know this: By protecting my mother, the people avoided questioning their own mothers and doubting the sanctity of their motherhood. Because “If even our mother is doing us harm, who wouldn’t do us any harm?” The mothers must be confronted, too.
Others clung to the publication of my revelation– completely coincidentally – on a German channel, to protect their own divinity. “There is no incest in a Muslim country, this is a video created entirely by enemies of Turkey!” To sacrifice the victim again in order to protect the sacred of religion and the state… The statistics, forensic reports, case files that emerge as a result of the revelations made by the victims with so many difficulties do not matter at all. “Those of you who think what we say are lies; what do we have to do to make you believe us? Please tell us, we’ll do that.”
We, the victims, can’t think of a way to forgive this country. Because we wake up every day in this country to reports of sexual abuse. We are being abused again every day with such news. We can’t help but feel victimized watching the victim being repeatedly victimized in the family, in the neighbourhood, or in the courts after her disclosure.
To forgive, you have to have formed empathy. We can’t even empathize with this country. We cannot empathize while many cases of abuse cannot be prosecuted, only 55% of those the prosecuted are punished, and those sentenced by the amnesty law are released. Forgiveness can only be considered for the perpetrator in this country.
A new law passed last week found a more definitive solution to the problem. The perpetrators will no longer be punished. Because there will be a “concrete evidence requirement” for child’s sexual abuse cases. In other words, cases that go to court with tons difficulties will result in impunity. I’ve accepted that a mother and or father can be bad, but I don’t want to admit that a country can be bad. This country wants to silence the victims of sexual abuse with its unwritten laws, and now with its written laws. Nevertheless, I, someone who was sexually abused by her father for years as a child, want to forgive this country!